Webster's dictionary defines determination as a quality that makes you continue trying to do or achieve something that is difficult. I set out a week and a half ago with the mindset to use determination to finally start conquering my fears. For years now I have struggled with the question "I am either truly lazy?" or what else keeps me from obtaining my goals and dreams.
Recently through the help of a counselor I have realized that fear seems to be my underlying issue. Years of living with fear, anxiety and depression have kept me from truly living. Fear has not only prevented me from doing thing I enjoy, spending time with others but also reaching my goals. I have let these fears control my life.
This is were determination needed to come into play. My first step was to find something to inspire me; give me that drive and fire. I naturally turn to books, whenever I want to tackle a problem I search for a book for inspiration. I went on to my Kindle and searched 'determination' two books that caught my attention right away were: John C. Maxwell's "Make Today Count" and Joyce Meyer's "Never Give Up".
I decided to download "Never Give Up" first. I jumped right in and was immediately feeling inspired. Then I had to pause, yes I do have troubles with giving up especially when I am scared but I have a greater issue with getting started in the first place.
This lead me to needing a new inspiration. When I am not enjoying a good book I turn to movies. I started thinking about movies that inspired me over the last thirty or so years. That is when I thought about one of my favorite quotes from the movie "Strictly Ballroom Dancing". 'Vivir con miedo es como virir en medias.' a Spanish proverb that means "a life lived in fear is a life half lived".
Now that I have some inspiration behind my determination I decided to conquer my first fear. My first fear is acknowledging my dream of being a writer. I have wanted to be a writer as long as I can remember but I have always been too scared to pursue this dream. This dream was put on hold at a young age when I discovered my inability to spell would hinder my ability to write. (Little did I know that several years later there would be a nifty little thing called spell check.) I feared rejection and ridicule from my inability to spell.
So today I start this blog as an apology to that little girl who dreamed of writing books like Laura Ingalls Wilder and plays like Shakespeare. We are going to use our love of writing to face our fears live the life we always wanted. My goal is to track this progress as I work toward living a full and happy life.