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Tuesday, March 10, 2015

Day Dreamer

My brain never seems to stop, it has three settings: problem solving, anxiety filled or day dreaming.  I excel when I am in problem solving mode; probably why I'm most relaxed at work.  I struggle with my down time when there isn't a problem to be solved.  My coping mechanism is day dreaming.  I have been a day dreamer as far back as I can remember.  I even remember my elementary teachers having to talk to my mum about it.
My new tank - from Maurices

I know this probably isn't the best coping mechanism but it is what I know and find comfortable.  If my brain has to be going non-stop it's nice to get some thing from it.  It is usually during these day dreams I can come up with different things to write about.   I dream about trips I want to take and the possibility of a better life for myself.  I've recently started writing as much down as I can; using this creativity to expand my writing.

On the flip side of things I do worry that day dreaming isn't healthy for me.  I worry that it keeps me from being present in the moment.  I know it is ok to do when I'm doing a mindless task like this afternoon as I cleaned.  I just want to make sure it never interferes with me being in the moment. What also worries me is recently some of my day dreams are feeding my anxiety.  

Prime example, there is a house for sale that has caught my interests and become a frequent day dream.  Buying this house is not in the cards for me currently.  I hope though if I keep the house in my dreams it will motivate me to get myself in a situation were I could purchase a home.  This started out as a harmless day dream and possible motivation until my anxiety took over.  One night I couldn't sleep because I had become overwhelmed with the realization I did not know  what color I would paint the kitchen.  I couldn't stop myself, I kept searching through Pintrest for the perfect kitchen. 

Thanks to Pintrest and Ikea the house is completely decorated in my head.  I also understand the realization of any of this happening is not possible.  Just as I know and understand Taylor Swift and me are not going to be become best friends but it is fun to think about.  I guess the point I am trying to get to is day dreaming might not be practical but it is a welcome escape that is sometimes needed.  Escaping into a book or movie isn't always possible so I create one in my mind.