Normally when people ask 'is it Friday yet'? I just nod my head and smile. In the last fifteen plus years I have had occupations that require working weekends. So typically when Friday rolls around it means nothing. I'm usually just trying to make it till Tuesday or Wednesday. This week thankfully I can say I just need to make it through Friday. I am excited to say I have a full weekend off!
This can not come at a better time, it has been a hard week. Yes my job has its stresses but normally things aren't too bad. I have been lucky to be with a company for over ten years and not have to worry about the status of my job. This week things took a little turn; we are like many other companies facing a restructure. Thankfully my position is not part of this restructure. So why am I not sleeping again?
I feel guilty. These changes are effecting people I have known for years and care about. I also feel guilty because the restructure gives me an opportunity to apply for positions I would not have been able to previously. I hate that I want to be excited for this opportunity but its hard knowing other's lives are being effected by these changes; some positive and some negative.
I firmly believe that change is for the best but that doesn't mean that it is easy. Structure is something that is crucial to my stability so change sometimes is difficult. Overall the changes that have been happening at work I have been able to adapt to with little resistance but it is growing in difficulty. One trigger for my anxiety is the unknown and right now there are a lot of unknowns and unanswered questions.
So how am I going to deal with this because my current state can not continue? First, I am going to take a sleep-aid tonight. I normally do not like to do this but I need to get some sleep because being exhausted is not helping. I can not think rationally or process my emotions with the lack of sleep. Second, I am going to control what is controllable. I am going to wait for the answers to the unknown questions.
Third, I am going to go and enjoy my weekend with my brother, his wife and my niece. I am going to put everything behind me for a couple of days and just try and have fun. I'm going to let my little niece boss me around because she is too cute to say no. I am going to razz my brother about who is a better manager him or me. And I'm going to enjoy a glass of wine with my favorite sister in-law.
"I'm selfish, impatient, and a little insecure. I make mistakes, I'm out of control, and at times hard to handle. But if you can't handle me at my worst, then you sure as hell don't deserve me at my best." -Marilyn Monroe