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Sunday, March 1, 2015

Temporary Mom

Tonight is the start of an interesting week.  My sister is leaving in the morning for a well deserved vacation.  In her absence my mum and myself will be taking care of her three kids. Lilly age six who is suppose to be falling asleep next to me right now, Grayson who is four and Waylon who just turned one.  I am beyond excited to spend the week with them and a little nervous that everything goes ok.
DeNucci Photography

I am blessed that my sister has let me take such an active role in her kids' lives.  I also had the opportunity to live with my brother, his wife and my niece Maddie for a little over a year. Getting to have that time with my niece was something I will cherish forever.  I always wanted to be a mom and this has been a wonderful substitution.  I never realized how much I could love someone so unconditionally until these kids came into my life.  They help take away the hurt of not having my own kids. 

I would say for the last five years I have done a really good job of convincing people and myself that I didn't want kids and that I was ok with not having any.  To be completely honest that was not true and it really hurts.  I don't understand why having kids wasn't in my cards, but I am slowly coming to terms with the realization that it will probably not be a part of my life. 

The reality is my fear of not being a mother is as great as my fear of being pregnant.  Yes I have always wanted to have kids but I have always known that in order for that to happen I would have to face my fear of being pregnant.  (Also at this point in my life there are lots of other factors including the lack of a father.)  When I say I have a fear of being pregnant I am being honest in saying the idea of a life growing in me doesn't seem like a miracle it sounds scary.  I could not even put my hand on my sister's belly when she was pregnant.  I know this all sounds silly and you may even say this is a good reason I don't have kids. I know if it was the only thing in my way of being a mom I would face this fear.

So this week I am going to make the most of the time with my temporary children.  Unlike most parents I have help; I will be tag teaming these kids with my mum.  I also have the flexibility with my job to be available for most of the week.  I will of course be volunteering every afternoon to be the one to lay with the baby so he naps.  Our biggest challenge with the baby will be keeping him from learning to walk when his mom is away.  He is so close and I would hate for her to miss those first steps.  Also the less mobility he has the safer all our belongings and dogs will be.

I am looking forward to getting my niece ready for school every morning.  I may even convince my sister to let me give her highlights and bangs.  The afternoons with my little buddies will be just as much fun.  We are going to have to find some afternoon activities so we do not overdose on Tellatubbies.  (I of course have them hooked on an English cartoon.)  The big event for the week is going to be a sheet tent on Thursday evening.  I will be searching Pintrest for ideas.  More than anything I want my sister to be able to enjoy her week and the kids to have a week they will never forget.