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Tuesday, April 7, 2015

Go to Sleep Pyscho

It would be very interesting if my dog Cappy could talk and I don't mean just the concept of dogs speaking.  I think more about what he would say as a first hand witness of my craziness.  A great example would be the last few nights.  The first thing he would probably say to me is "why the hell are you up at two a.m. watching an Australian t.v. show and knitting?"  Second, "its now four a.m. and you are playing candy crush". 

I know I should be sleeping but the moment I get in my room I'm wide awake.  It is does not matter how tired I am the moment night comes I'm wide awake.  I know I should take my sleeping pill the minute I get in there but I start doing anything but that.  Other than writing none of the things I tend to do at night are of any importance.  I do want to get the kids blankets done but I don't have to stay up all night.  The point of knitting is relaxation not a distraction from sleeping. 

There are lots of reason I need to be sleeping but it seems impossible without pills.  I am starting to wonder if it is because recently my dreams have been bad.  I have no control over my dreams and this scares me.  I don't now why my subconscious is punishing me.  Why ten years later do I still dream about him breaking up with me?  There is nothing worse than someone you once loved telling you all the things they hate about you every night in your dreams. 

Things need to change and it has to start with tackling this issue.  I cannot improve the other areas of my life if I am not sleeping.  I need to remember they are only dreams and they are not real.  I need to stop filling the nights with mindless activities.  If I cannot manage to get this under control, I am going to have to go back to no electronics in my room.  I know I become obsessive about things and starting a project or t.v. show at night is not something I can do without causing issues.